Remember when my kitchen wall was on fire?

All I wanted was some tea...  Today was not my day.

I am a property manager and my apartment door leads right in to my office.  So from time to time while I'm at work I will leave the door open for funsies.  It's a good thing I left it open today.  I turned on the stove to heat up my kettle for a bit of afternoon tea and went back to my desk to get some work done.  A couple minutes later I smelled something that reminded me of a campfire and I thought, "That's nice."  Then something triggered in my brain that the smell was coming from my apartment.  When I entered the kitchen, my favorite oven mitt was on fire along with the wall.  (The kettle wasn't anywhere near warm by the way.  Maybe I turned the wrong element on...)  Thankfully I was able to put the fire out.  Sadly I lost my beloved red gingham double oven mitt and it is now lying in the garbage.  Rest in peace, my faithful oven mitt.  You kept my hands and wrists safe for over 10 years.  *Sniff.  *Tear.  I was able to remove any traces of the burn from the wall with my magic eraser (seriously those things are awesome!) with the exception of the two large bubbles that formed under one of the many layers of paint whilst on fire.  Thankfully this apartment is so ghetto-old and has been painted a gizillion times that no damage touched the actual wall and I think with a bit of touch up paint, no one will be the wiser.  Yes, the smoke detector went off.  No, the fire department was not called.  But as for the smell in my kitchen and parts of my apartment? Well, to paraphrase Ralphie Wiggum... it smells like burning.

Excuses, Excuses (But I'm Back!)

Hello there. Remember me? I know. I know. We're already in mid-April and not one post in 2012 from yours truly. Well allow me to remedy that...

Why I've been seemingly absent from the das Blog:

1) I'm in showbiz!

But seriously, I auditioned for community theatre back in October, actually got cast and have been auditioning and doing shows ever since. Let me just say it's been so fun. I forgot how much I really do love performing. I am working with ManeStage Theatre in Sumner and have had the opportunity thus far to be in "A Christmas Carol: the Broadway Musical" (Mrs. Fezziwig/dance corps), "The Wizard of Oz" - (Glinda), "Narnia! The Musical (Phoenix, u/s White Witch), and now I'm currently in production for "You Can't Take It with You" (Essie Carmichael). I love it. All of it. It is definitely a saving grace in my rather random life.

2) I got a puppy!

Yup. I live alone with my closest family members in Arizona (the rest in California, Washington, D.C., and Africa). So after my sister Anna came to visit me in December, I think she felt bad for me and decided that I need a dog. So for Christmas she and my other sister Lindsey decided to give me one. Enter Fiona. And for any of you who have or ever have had a dog... you know. I am so thankful for her, though, and my sisters were right on the money. I definitely needed her and am happy to have her as a part of my family.

So there they are. My lame excuses. But I am back. And don't worry. I'll make it up to you.

Nothing but love for ya!

But if bad luck doesn't exist, then what is this??

It's the day before Christmas Eve and instead of blogging about the show I was in ("A Christmas Carol") or the fact I miss my family and am all alone in Washington, I am going to share with you a true story that happened this evening in an attempt for sympathy. This may also come across as me venting. Take it how you will.

I came back to my apartment from the corporate office in Tacoma this evening to find the emergency tech Oleg with a plunger in his hand standing in the middle of the parking lot hollering at me while I was still in my car,

"Hallo Maygin! You're manager, yes? Maygin, yes? Maygin! You recognize me!"

Well, apparently the unit next to mine had a toilet overflow issue and naturally they didn't turn the water off which means the carpet in the their apartment is nice and wet from the bathroom, through the carpeted hallway, all the way into the carpeted living room. Good times.

Now one of my favorite things in a situation like this is the excuse that is thought up. Why didn't they turn off the water? Or how did it overflow? For any of you who don't know, the ONLY way to make a toilet overflow is if it is clogged or there is some sort of blockage. So, sorry resident's excuse. If the "orange flappy thingie in the tank thingie" isn't working, the toilet may still run but it will not overflow. I think it has to do with gravity, but I digress. I did my due diligence and assured the resident we'll take care of it and try to be nice and calming so as to keep the resident from freaking out. I leave their apartment and call the carpet company which is naturally closed because it's a holiday weekend, but never fear - they have an emergency line. So while I'm on the phone with a very effeminate but also very nice middle-aged man, I get back to my apartment, take off my shoes, set my stuff down and walk into my bathroom so as to grab a hair-tie to pull my hair back when lo, and behold, my socks are soaked through and my feet feel awesome. And by awesome I mean gross. You see, my bathroom and the genius' bathroom next door share a wall. I have no clue how the water got through and that's quite disconcerting, but I am just grateful that the whateverness that came out of their toilet and into my apartment did not make it to my carpet. Also, there's nothing quite like an impromptu let's-clean-my-bathroom-even-though-I-just-cleaned-it bathroom cleaning to prevent my not-so-well ventilated bathroom from getting mildewy and to keep the overflow from making it to my carpet (which means I am going to miss a friend's birthday party AND my dinner is now cold). Oh, and I now need a new pair of socks. I think throwing away the wet ones is a must.

Please feel bad for me. Merry Christmas.

New Post = This (aka stuff...)

I may devote more time on a later date to some of the things mentioned below, but for now here some things that are on my mind. In no particular order. Take what you can get.

Thought #Apple: This (Schloss Neuschwanstein bedecked with snow) is what I currently have as the desktop wallpaper on my computer at work. I figured since Christmas is approaching as well as the impending weather (which as a property manager of a small property I will have to get up early to check the condition of my sloped parking lot due to said weather - snow on Friday? - and spread ice melt ... what I wouldn't give for a husband right about now), I want something pretty and nostalgious to look at. Done.

Thought #Tree: Between work, church, and rehearsal for A Christmas Carol (http://manestagetheatre.com/MS_currentshow.html), I have no life.

Thought #Green: I am going to be missing my YSA branch for the next 3 weeks which means I don't get to teach Sunday School or play the organ. However, this does not mean I'm ward-hopping. I don't believe in ward-hopping. I believe in order to magnify my calling I should be where I'm called and not galavanting around scoping for possible mate prospects. (I of course make exceptions to attending other's meetings for support and love.) I've, unfortunately, never been very good at making church a social function. But I love it. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (http://mormon.org/me/5RM9/). I love being edified and uplifted and learning the lessons Heavenly Father needs me to learn.

Thought #Spinach: I quit the cleanse early. Yup. I did it for about 7 days but had a wedding with a dinner (which I ended up not having any) and a really bum week. So I decided to recommit after the holidays. The affects were wonderful, though. I find that whenever I have a desire to grab fast food that I immediately think of the physical consequences - my stomach on the inside, my stomach on the outside, my skin, my health. Don't get me wrong. I love a McChicken as much if not more so than the next girl. Oo. And those tacos from Jack in the Box (I WILL be writing a post on that). But I digress. Another cleanse for another year. In the meantime, I'm happy with my green smoothies every morning and my herbal tea throughout the day.

Thought #Eyes: GAHHHHHHH!

Thought #Envy: It's NEVER to early for Christmas. I have been listening to my Jazzy Schmazzy Christmas station on Pandora.com since before Halloween. I know it's no NKOTB's "Have a Funky Funky Christmas" in July, but you bet your bippy the songs of the season are playing any chance I get.

Thought #Flower: I really miss my family. Mum and Dad are in Africa, the Cowart's (Jessica, Joseph, Samuel, Clara, Avery, Eli, Henry, Lily, Isaac) and the Worthen's (Britton, Lindsey, Aubrey, Chloe', Benton, Max, Preston) are in Arizona, the McKeown's (Anna, Gregory, Grace, Evie, Jack, Essie) are in California, and Whitney is in Washington, D.C. And I'm in Spanaway. SPANAWAY!! But this is where I'm supposed to be.

So that's it for now. Blerg. Don't be mistaken - I know who I am and am quite confident in the person that, actually, so few truly know. But for now, I'm going to close up my office and continue to listen to Christmas music.

The Next 10 Days

In case you haven't heard me mention this before, starting Monday, November 7th I will be doing The Master Cleanse. It's part of my regimen in training for a marathon (which is going abysmally by the way but I'm not giving up!). The cleanse can last anywhere from 10 to 40 days and include such fun things as salt water flushes, senna tea, lemon juice, grade B maple syrup, lots of water and herbal tea, and my favorite... cloves! (This stint, however, I will only be on the cleanse for 10 days because let's face it - it's the holidays and I want to at least taste the smells I'll be experiencing.) I've done it before so I know what to expect. Now, for those of you who are familiar with The Master Cleanse you either think I'm crazy or have your own personal testimony of it's positive effects. So let me just say the reason why I am doing it is to detox my body and get rid of bad habits (aka living off of fast food - bad... bad... bad...). It is true that weight loss is a side-effect, but it's not lasting. Changes in one's diet and exercise routine have to be made in order for any lasting effects to occur. And yes, this is the same "Lemonade Diet" that Beyonce used to prepare for her role in Dream Girls. But I digress. I will keep a log for you and post at the end of the cleanse. Till then, peace out and happy cleansing!

Zum Geburtstag...

Weil es mein Vaters geburtstag ist, habe ich die Entscheidung gemacht, um diesen Blog-Post auf Deutsch zu schreiben. Zur zeit ist er im Afrika - Tansania um genau zu sein. Also... hier gehen wir.

Gestern bekam ich eine Email von meiner Mutti. Weil heute würde Vattis Geburtstag, fragte sie uns (alle ihre Kinder), ihm eine kurze Email zu schicken. Weil ich liebe meinen Vater so sehr und denke, dass er am besten ist, möchte ich mit euch teilen, was ich ihm schickte:

***

Lieber Papa,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ich liebe und vermisse dich so sehr, bin aber so unglaublich stolz auf dich. Ich hoffe, dass für deinen Geburtstag du in der Lage zu bekommst, um etwas Spass zu tun. Wie.. ins Kino gehen oder auf Safari gehen oder schwimmen gehen... :) Oo! Oder kaufst du einen Speer...? Aber die Tatsache, dass du eine Mission mit deinem Schatz an deinem Geburtstag wahrscheinlich Feier genug ist. Auch ich vermisse dich so sehr. Ich wünschte, ich war da, um dir eine grosse Umarmung zu geben. Ich vermisse meinen Vater. Ich vermisse es, mit dir in einem persönlichen Gespräch und die Gelegenheit haben, ein Segen von dir zu bekommen. Vielen Dank für solch ein hervorragendes Beispiel, um mich über das Priestertum ehren und zu einem so starken Kraft für das Gute. Ein Teil von mir ist ein wenig verärgert (ich mag das Wort!) mit dir, dass du solche eine wunderbare Patriarchen, Ehemann und Vater bist, weil dort die Messlatte für die Jungs in meinem Leben gesetzt ist. Aber es ist ein sehr kleiner Teil, und das Wohl überwiegt den sarkastischen ,upsettedness''. ;) Vielen Dank für wie du Mutter so viel geliebt hast. Ich liebe wie viel du liebst und respektierst sie und es ist klar, dass sie deine beste Freundin ist. Vielen dank für wie du uns Kinder immer and immernoch liebst. Ich liebe dich, Papa. So so viel. Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag.

Lieb,

Megan

***

Und dann schrieb er zurück...

***

Liebe süsse Megan,

Vielen Dank für die tolle Geburtstagsgruss. Ich weiss, Papas sollen etwas Besonderes in ihrer Tochters Augen sein, aber ich glaube, dass du deine Augen überprüft brauchst. Du bist so eine unglaubliche Tochter und ich vermisse bei dir auch zu reden! Was für ein Segen das Internet ist, und in der Lage sein skype und sehen du von Angesicht zu Angesicht. Seit meiner Kindheit, das ist ein wenig Buck Rogers. Wir werden deine Empfehlung nehmen und gehen und sehen ,Johnny English - Reborn'', albern, aber PG. Wir müssen die Ratings eng hier anschauen, damit wir nicht sehen, etwas, dass wirklich schlüpfrig ist. Ich vermisse es, dir ein Segen zu geben, aber weisst, dass du gesegnet werden zweimal täglich in meine Gebete. Ich bin so stolz auf dich für deinen Ehrgeiz zu wollen, zu verbessern und für deine Treue zum Evangelium von Jesus Christus. Ich weiss, wenn ich bete den Herrn hat spezielle Segnungen für dich auf Lager.

Ich liebe dich,

Papa

***

Da ist es. Ich habe den besten Vatti auf der Welt. Ich liebe dich, Papa. Für immer und ewig. Vergiss dass nie.

3 Things

Girls are crazy.

Boys are stupid.

Translation:

Girls over-think the past and how it affects the here and now.

Boys over-think the future and how it is affected by the here and now.

This is what I have come to find. Allow me to share my thoughts. Because - as a friend has said on more than one occasion...

"This is Megan. She KNOWS stuff."

Take it, leave it, or just read it.

I have been known to have not the best luck. And in recent times some of this non-luck has been present in matters of... well... flirtation, interest, dating, ridiculousness, the heart... call it what you will. But in all of this, I tend to keep a fairly reasonable perspective on reality - sometimes borderlining pessimism to hedge against the proverbial girl-with-the-wrong-idea. So at the behest of Princess Deanna, I am sharing my wisdom. Ladies, this one's for you.

If a guy asks you out, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If a guy makes a concerted effort to talk with you for more than informative purposes, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If a guy expresses that he would like to spend time with you, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If ALL of these things occur, congratulations. A guy is interested in getting to know you. Yes, this may mean more than that, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

If NONE of these things occur, he is NOT interested in you.

Now, I can hear some of you say, "But maybe he's just shy and needs me to make the first move." Nope. That's what flirting is for. Or how about, "Well when he does such-and-such what he actually means is such-and-such."

WRONG, LADIES.

And even if those were valid and truthful statements, is that really the type of guy you want to be with? Someone who won't pursue you because he doesn't have the guts to say hi or get your number or ask you out? What happens later in life? "So let me get this right, husband: you're not going to eat the dinner I cooked because even though it's what you asked for you might not like it?" Quality. Go for him. Or how about a guy who can't be straightforward or forthcoming and you have to "read into" - well - just about anything aka he can't communicate? "Hey husband, when you said you might have an important meeting with a potential future business associate on Saturday, what you actually meant was you want to watch the football game - right?" Yeah... Marital bliss is just around the corner. PS I love football games. Especially BYU. But I digress. (Go Cougs!)

I'm not saying these scenarios don't exist, but let me just say that exceptions to the rule are just that: EXCEPTIONS. So to keep things in perspective and to keep me from over-thinking more than I as a female already do, I have come up with these 3 things that need to happen before I will entertain the thought that a guy is pursuing and/or interested in me:

1) He has to ask me out on 2 official dates. This is not hanging out or stopping by or talking at a social function or ANYTHING that I initiate. This is him asking me to have an experience with him at a specific time (he does not need to use those exact words - but what if he did...?). Side note: money does not need to be spent.

2) He has to instigate some sort of physical contact. A hug, a kiss, a handshake, a wrestle, an unfair attack on one's ticklish self... But for this to count it can't come from me. I can absolutely reciprocate. I will even allow myself to offer my hand first. After all, the ladies in the days of Jane Austen and Shakespeare did it so why can't we? But my actions are not his actions. An important distinction that I think ladies all too often overlook. It has to come from him.

3) He has to let me know that he is interested in me. I am the last to assume a guy is interested in me and frankly it usually gets me in trouble. Shoot, even when they tell me they're interested and the feeling is mutual it gets me in trouble. But having a guy tell you how he feels (yes, "feels" - what he likes about you, a preference to you over other girls, "I like you" but in a for-rilzie way not a let's-pretend-the-word-"like"-is-completely-platonic and usually followed by a punch which is not a valid form of contact by the way) - be it in his sarcastic manner that you've gotten to know or a blatant verbal blurtation or a note or a song (that last one usually doesn't happen)... generally when you know you know and if there's a question then you don't know.

ALL 3 things have to happen before I will allow myself to consider the possibility of possibilities. And what's even better is that these 3 things keep me from investing more than is desired by either party. That is one of my biggest failings. When I'm in, I'm in. I will give my all and love whole-heartedly. Now, you may say, "This is all very well and good but you're not married, Megan. In fact, you are very single." This is true. But my hope is to marry only once if I am so blessed to have that opportunity in this life. These 3 things aren't a recipe to find true love or a game plan to catch a guy. In fact, when it comes to love put away the games and be true and honest. Instead, I think of these 3 things more as ways to grow and learn and to keep me from over-thinking and being a crazy girl. Well, less crazy than I already am. Take these 3 things, ladies. Learn them, amend them, make them your own, and then use them.

...And if there are any gentlemen who made it to the end of this entry, here are my thoughts for you: Go on dates. A date is not a proposal. Neither is a second or third date. You can always stop dating someone but make sure it's for the right reasons. Figure out what you think love is. Ignore the big neon sign above a girl that shines FRIEND. You will be attracted to women other than your wife throughout your life. Learn to be okay with that and to laugh at it. Attraction is not love. Find someone you love to talk with. Find someone you want to be better with. Find someone who is equally yoked in your beliefs. Find someone you want to be near. Find your best friend. Finding implies searching. If you've found it, stop searching. Find your own 3 things to help guide you. I believe in you.