3 Things

Girls are crazy.

Boys are stupid.

Translation:

Girls over-think the past and how it affects the here and now.

Boys over-think the future and how it is affected by the here and now.

This is what I have come to find. Allow me to share my thoughts. Because - as a friend has said on more than one occasion...

"This is Megan. She KNOWS stuff."

Take it, leave it, or just read it.

I have been known to have not the best luck. And in recent times some of this non-luck has been present in matters of... well... flirtation, interest, dating, ridiculousness, the heart... call it what you will. But in all of this, I tend to keep a fairly reasonable perspective on reality - sometimes borderlining pessimism to hedge against the proverbial girl-with-the-wrong-idea. So at the behest of Princess Deanna, I am sharing my wisdom. Ladies, this one's for you.

If a guy asks you out, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If a guy makes a concerted effort to talk with you for more than informative purposes, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If a guy expresses that he would like to spend time with you, this indicates he is interested in getting to know you.

If ALL of these things occur, congratulations. A guy is interested in getting to know you. Yes, this may mean more than that, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

If NONE of these things occur, he is NOT interested in you.

Now, I can hear some of you say, "But maybe he's just shy and needs me to make the first move." Nope. That's what flirting is for. Or how about, "Well when he does such-and-such what he actually means is such-and-such."

WRONG, LADIES.

And even if those were valid and truthful statements, is that really the type of guy you want to be with? Someone who won't pursue you because he doesn't have the guts to say hi or get your number or ask you out? What happens later in life? "So let me get this right, husband: you're not going to eat the dinner I cooked because even though it's what you asked for you might not like it?" Quality. Go for him. Or how about a guy who can't be straightforward or forthcoming and you have to "read into" - well - just about anything aka he can't communicate? "Hey husband, when you said you might have an important meeting with a potential future business associate on Saturday, what you actually meant was you want to watch the football game - right?" Yeah... Marital bliss is just around the corner. PS I love football games. Especially BYU. But I digress. (Go Cougs!)

I'm not saying these scenarios don't exist, but let me just say that exceptions to the rule are just that: EXCEPTIONS. So to keep things in perspective and to keep me from over-thinking more than I as a female already do, I have come up with these 3 things that need to happen before I will entertain the thought that a guy is pursuing and/or interested in me:

1) He has to ask me out on 2 official dates. This is not hanging out or stopping by or talking at a social function or ANYTHING that I initiate. This is him asking me to have an experience with him at a specific time (he does not need to use those exact words - but what if he did...?). Side note: money does not need to be spent.

2) He has to instigate some sort of physical contact. A hug, a kiss, a handshake, a wrestle, an unfair attack on one's ticklish self... But for this to count it can't come from me. I can absolutely reciprocate. I will even allow myself to offer my hand first. After all, the ladies in the days of Jane Austen and Shakespeare did it so why can't we? But my actions are not his actions. An important distinction that I think ladies all too often overlook. It has to come from him.

3) He has to let me know that he is interested in me. I am the last to assume a guy is interested in me and frankly it usually gets me in trouble. Shoot, even when they tell me they're interested and the feeling is mutual it gets me in trouble. But having a guy tell you how he feels (yes, "feels" - what he likes about you, a preference to you over other girls, "I like you" but in a for-rilzie way not a let's-pretend-the-word-"like"-is-completely-platonic and usually followed by a punch which is not a valid form of contact by the way) - be it in his sarcastic manner that you've gotten to know or a blatant verbal blurtation or a note or a song (that last one usually doesn't happen)... generally when you know you know and if there's a question then you don't know.

ALL 3 things have to happen before I will allow myself to consider the possibility of possibilities. And what's even better is that these 3 things keep me from investing more than is desired by either party. That is one of my biggest failings. When I'm in, I'm in. I will give my all and love whole-heartedly. Now, you may say, "This is all very well and good but you're not married, Megan. In fact, you are very single." This is true. But my hope is to marry only once if I am so blessed to have that opportunity in this life. These 3 things aren't a recipe to find true love or a game plan to catch a guy. In fact, when it comes to love put away the games and be true and honest. Instead, I think of these 3 things more as ways to grow and learn and to keep me from over-thinking and being a crazy girl. Well, less crazy than I already am. Take these 3 things, ladies. Learn them, amend them, make them your own, and then use them.

...And if there are any gentlemen who made it to the end of this entry, here are my thoughts for you: Go on dates. A date is not a proposal. Neither is a second or third date. You can always stop dating someone but make sure it's for the right reasons. Figure out what you think love is. Ignore the big neon sign above a girl that shines FRIEND. You will be attracted to women other than your wife throughout your life. Learn to be okay with that and to laugh at it. Attraction is not love. Find someone you love to talk with. Find someone you want to be better with. Find someone who is equally yoked in your beliefs. Find someone you want to be near. Find your best friend. Finding implies searching. If you've found it, stop searching. Find your own 3 things to help guide you. I believe in you.