Olympic-ness

My parents and I have been watching the Olympics. We DVR them every night (yes, I just made DVR a verb), and if I don't climb right into bed after work, we'll watch the parts we like. Well, today was another 12 hour day at the office, so after eating dinner whilst viewing an episode of White Collar, we turned on some Olympic Games. We were at the event where a skier goes down a hill and sails through the air. It reminded me of those old - I mean like early 1980's - computer games where you used the arrows on the keyboard to control the angle of the skis... Anyhow, the name of the event escaped me. This exchange ensued:

Me: Hey Dad, what's the name of this event?

Dad: Ski flying.

He was dead serious and I was laughing so hard it was silent for at least 2 minutes. No joke. My sides are still a bit sore. Pam (my mother) was more vocal, reminiscent of a rather delightful hyena. Poor papa. Happy Olympics, everyone. Enjoy some ski flying.

Chart Notes: Jane McBossy

A patient's ride walks in (without the patient) about 30 minutes before her appointment, comes right up to the desk and says, "Jane McBossy*, she has an appointment. She thinks her heart is bothering her. Do you have any aspirin?"

"I don't think so," I replied in a very nice manner. "But I'll go in the back and check, just in case." "Yes," she demanded. "Do that."

I go to the back, look all around, find ibuprofen, acetaminophen, hot cocoa, and various other drugs but no aspirin at all. When I return to the front...

"Well?"

"I looked everywhere and we do not have any. I am so sorry."

"Did you ask the nurse?"

"No, she's with a patient." (She lets out a sound of disgust. I hear our nurse coming down the hall.) "Oh wait, I think I hear her. Let me go see."

"I think a heart is more important than her patient."

Really? Really lady? You're gonna walk into my office and tell me to drop everything to find you some aspirin.

Chart notes: After being unsatisfied with my answer, I recommended her trying the pediatrics office next door or the family practice across the street for. When Jane came in for her appointment 10 minutes later, I asked if they found some aspirin. Yes they had, next door at the pedes office. The lady: "Hey Jane, how is your heart?" Jane: "Oh. Sooo much better."

Rx: Take a chill pill.

*The patient's real name has been changed. Clearly.

Driving Karma?

I may not have much luck, but I do have good parking karma. I do. I can provide witnesses. Well, I think it may have rubbed off on my driving.

So on Friday, 19 February 2010, my friend Damon and I went to pick up my other friend Nykele from the airport. After a fun-filled evening of Shari's, chatting, a German art song, and getting Nykele situated at her home, Damon and I called it a night and headed back to our neck of the woods. I was driving along Meridian continuing onto 104th Street in Puyallup, approaching the 94th Avenue intersection...

Dun dun dun. (That's ominous music.)

It was late at night and I had already come across about 7 cop cars. (That is not an exaggeration.) The light was green, but then it turned yellow at that point where you just can't win: you're too close to come to a nice gradual stop and too far to make it through without stepping on it and officially speeding. Damon* kept saying, "Go. Go! GO!" And for some reason I couldn't bring myself to go above 35. Me. Miss The-Speed-Limit-is-a-Suggestion-I-Believe-in-the-Autobahn-and-the-Nürburgring. Well, the light stayed yellow. So I stepped on it. Just in time for the light to turn red as I am about to cross the stop line. So what do I do? I slam on the brakes. Made a screech worthy of a movie. And came to a stop in the middle of the intersection. Don't worry. There were only two other cars around. One on the left and one on the right, each waiting at a full green light as I sat in the middle of the intersection not knowing what to do. Why did I not know what to do? Because it was then I realized both cars were police cars.

I sat there for a good 6 seconds freaking out trying to decide what was the lesser of the two law-breakages: go the rest of the way through the intersection, completely running a red light, or put the Camry in reverse and back up to the stop line. In my mind it was more simply, "Jail. Or jail." Well, I decided to back it up. Once I was out of reverse and at a full stop behind the line, the police car to the right went through the light but the car to the left just sat there. They sat there and just looked at me until their light turned yellow. Then they went through the light. (I'm pretty sure I said "I'm sorry" over and over again to the officers. And even though they couldn't hear me, I think it made a difference.) Damon and I kept watching their car as we went through the intersection, just waiting for them to turn around and follow us. But the second we couldn't see them anymore, you better believe I stepped on the gas and cruised to Fruitland Avenue as fast as I could. Fortunately, I saw no headlights in the rear-view mirror before I turned the corner and got home with no more incidents. Aidez moi.

So thankfully for me, my non-luck decided to step aside for the evening. Imagine if I had followed Damon's advice and sped through the intersection. No bueno. I really don't know what else to say. Except thank you officers for not pulling me over. I have no idea why they didn't, except maybe they were laughing so hard they couldn't bring themselves to pull me over. That would explain why they sat at the light so long... Well, I left some burnt rubber in the intersection for ye. Take a look the next time you're passing through. (Is it wrong that I'm a little proud? Tee hee hee.)

*After this and other events which happened to Damon later the same evening, I have decided that even though I will still be friends with him, I will not listen to his driving advice. :D

Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Oh Percy Jackson... Welcome to the big screen. Last night I made the trek up to Seattle yet again to sit in the fancy schmancy reserved seating at the Pacific Palace AMC for a prescreening of Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief. (The picture on the poster was quite possibly my favorite part of the movie. FYI.)

If you did not know it, this movie is based on the first book in the series Percy Jackson & the Olympians. I will simply say that if you are a fan of the book, a picky film goer, or simply have a hard time suspending your disbelief, you will be disappointed with the film. However, if you like a good kids' flick and don't mind cheesiness on the big screen, then Percy Jackson is the film for you!

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the movie. However, I absolutely loved the first book and had just a few minor expectations. Like not masticating the entire premise of the story!! I mean come on. Is that really too much to ask? I can look past changing the age of the main characters, or cutting back some of the scenes - shoot, changing them completely for that matter... But taking out major characters and changing more than one core concept of the entire plot-line? I worry for the success of this picture and the possibility of any future ones.

I think I may be getting harsher in my movie critiques...

Well, I have not yet finished the remainder of the books (there are 5 in the series), but I am planning on it. I just hope that they are able to do a second movie and do the book more justice than this one did.

So on a scale of 1 to 5 chocolate-chip cookies, I would probably give it around 2 if you've read the books, 3 1/2 if you haven't. But then again, it really just comes down to your expectations, right? I think I've said it before and I'll most likely say it again: expectations not met equals disappointment. Meh. I'll get over it. And I'll most likely end up eventually buying the movie. What can I say? I'm a sucker for mythology. And Percy Jackson.

Valentine's Day

So on Monday, February 8, 2010, I assumed my place in the press once again and went to a prescreening of Valentine's Day in Seattle.

I was accompanied by two gentlemen who happen to enjoy a good chick flick as much as (if not more so than) me. We arrived a bit late and did not get to sit together, but all was good in the end. Or was it?

Let's push aside the fact that the man sitting to the right of us was potently drunk and started snoring not even 10 minutes into the film. Believe it or not, I can get past that. And maybe I'm getting more picky, but this movie just didn't do it for me. It was as if it was trying to be Love Actually but had the emotional pay-off value of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider*. Ouch. That actually hurt me to write that. Okay. Redeemable qualities. The acting was believable. And I loved the actors. But the individual story lines... It was like I would start to care, but then it would get resolved and I was, "That's it? Really? That's how you're going to 'end' that? If you even call that an end. Come on!" And the last line of the movie? Possibly the worst ever. Ready? Some radio personality, real or made-up, is voicing over right before the credits and bloopers roll. Fuego Valentino or something like that... Here it is:

"And as we end the day, we're all just hoping to hear those three little words: let's get ___."

(edited for family friendliness - but it kind of looks like the word 'baked')

Really? Really?! Gah! Oh well. On a brighter note, there really are some great scenes. And my favorite story-line and the one true pay-off of the whole movie goes to Julia Roberts. Well done lady. Oh, and Gary Marshall's cameo in the mariachi band. I approve of that as well.

So in short, I liked it. But it's not a must-see for the theatres. In fact, I would skip the video store, too, and wait for TBS to air it. I'm sure they will. As they should. It's an entertaining film. Just not what I was hoping for I guess. But those are the rules: if you have expectations and they aren't met or exceeded, you will be disappointed. So now that you have a frank perspective, go and enjoy it!

*I enjoyed Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. But let's face it, it was not exactly an emotionally charged chick flick, was it?

PS If by some weird stroke of what I refer to as non-luck any of the actors from this movie read this, first, thanks for reading! And second, be assured that I enjoyed your performances. You were fantastic. I just had a hard time suspending my disbelief in some areas. Don't hate me.

I Forgive Pam. And Bruce.

I am writing not a retraction, nor an apology, but an it's-all-good-now post. Pam, Bruce, and I are once again on good terms. After "the incident," Pam and Bruce went out and bought a gallon of Tillamook Chocolate Peanut-Butter ice cream and we shared it. So there. I forgive Pam. (And Bruce. Apparently he was not guiltless in "the incident.") But let's face the truth here: CPB is very much a Siren and can you really blame someone for crashing on its delectable shore? I think not.

Photo by M. Worthen (Pam & Bruce, Central Park Zoo, NY)

I love you Mum & Dad.

Nuh-uh. Not. Cool.

My favorite ice cream is Chocolate Peanut-butter*. I'm not talking peanut-butter flavored ice cream with chocolate pieces in it, or vanilla ice cream with peanut-butter cups and a chocolate swirl in it... no. Good old-fashioned chocolate ice cream (the darker the better) with peanut-butter ribbons in it. I think my favorite CPB is Haagen Dazs, but in Washington you won't get much better than Tillamook. Now the thing about this ice cream is that I hardly ever find it. In fact, whenever I go by the C-Town by my apartment in Manhattan, I have a little deal with myself that if there is a little pint of CPB ice cream, I will get it. Otherwise, I am not the biggest ice cream fan. Sorry if that sounds like blaspheme, but there it is. On to the tragic event...

I was on my way to a friend's for a dinner and stopped by Summit Trading to pick up a couple of contributions when I was walking down the ice cream aisle and lo, and behold...


Photo M. Worthen

Ahhhh!!! (That's me singing like a choir of angels...) There it was! My ice cream exception. I was so thrilled. So I did the unthinkable and bought me a gallon. Well, I had an interesting evening and eventually returned home, quite tuckered out, so I put my gallon in the freezer. The next day was one of even more interesting happenings and so I thought to reward myself with a little bowl of ice cream. It was delightful. And I thought to myself, "At this rate, this will last me quite a few weeks and each day after dealing with crazies I can have a small respite. Fantastic!" Little did I know my plan was about to be foiled. A couple evenings later, just this past Tuesday in fact, I was having a dreadful day and about to head out to be pleasantly social when I went to the freezer to have a couple bites of my ice cream... but it was gone.

Now, our freezer is not big. It is small. There are only so many places a gallon can hide. So I begged the question to my mother, "Have you seen my ice cream?"

Silence.

"Pam, did you eat all of my ice cream?"

And then she laughed. More like cackled. I shut the freezer dumbfounded. I asked again. More laughter. "It was your father!" And then dad, "I don't think so!"

Me again, in very much a whimper, "You ate all of my ice cream? I barely had any."

I was suppressing my tears. Very embarrassed with my head hung low and I shuffled out of the room to go to the car when my mum calls out, "She's not crying, is she?" More laughter. Then me from the foyer, "Yes!!!" Then I left.

Not cool, Pam. Not. Cool.

No retaliation planned. Yet.

*Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip is second, with Rainbow Sherbet as a close third.